All Blogs Post New Entry

Top 10 Ways of Knowing You've Joined the Wrong Church

Posted by Jay on October 14, 2011 at 4:05 PM Comments comments (0)
10. The Pastor refers to God only as "Jehovah" and constantly exhorts the congregation to "witness" 9. New members are required to submit W-2's for the last 10 years. 8. Pastor regularly attends meeting at Las Vegas and Atlantic City. 7. The media refers to the church facilities as a "compound". 6. You discover the church refers to the 10 commandments as the 10 suggestions. 5. The Women's Quartet are all married to the pastor. 4. The chancel cross has been replaced with a bronze pyramid. ... Read Full Post »

The Athiest in the Woods

Posted by Jay on September 16, 2011 at 1:55 AM Comments comments (0)

An atheist was walking through the woods, thinking to himself,

"How beautiful the animals are!"

"How majestic the trees are!"

"How powerful the rivers are!"

As he walked along the river, he heard rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned and saw an 8-foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran along the path as fast as he could, but when he looked over his shoulder, he saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He kept running, but when he looked over his sho...

Read Full Post »

Forest Gump and St. Peter

Posted by Jay on September 2, 2011 at 1:50 AM Comments comments (0)

When Forest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."

"Okay," said Forest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "

"Yes, Forest, I know. But this test is onl...

Read Full Post »

100 points to get into Heaven

Posted by Jay on August 26, 2011 at 1:45 AM Comments comments (0)
man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates. St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in." "Okay" the man says, "I attended church every Sunday" "That's good, says St. Peter, " that's worth two points" "Two points?" he says. "Well, I gave 10% of all my... Read Full Post »

Freckles

Posted by Jay on July 8, 2011 at 1:01 AM Comments comments (0)

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella.

Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wante...

Read Full Post »

Boots

Posted by Jay on July 2, 2011 at 12:53 AM Comments comments (0)

The teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots.

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together ...

Read Full Post »

Better Grades

Posted by Jay on June 24, 2011 at 12:40 AM Comments comments (0)

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.

He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades...somebody is going to get a spanking!"